Hit one of the low points of my life this weekend. It all started with this... "You can see the labour when it bears it's fruits. But there is no fruits to be seen." A totally 'ouch' moment for me. I was totally discouraged by that statement though it might not have been pointed straight at me. But somehow it just felt painful to know even the very few who you think were supposed to be with you are actually not really with you.
The thought just did not go away and I spent the next day just thinking, what else I could do to make things better. Every time I come close to losing it, I will recall the words, "It is not what I can do, but what Christ can do through me." It's not about me, but Jesus. And so, I kept asking, "How & what Lord?"
Sunday came. To step into church, that was bad enough for me. But more important stuff got me going anyway. Then the sermon started : "Crucify the Flesh." The pastor talked about crucifying the 'old man', and letting the 'new man' take over. Then he shared on John 12:24:
I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls tot he ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
He says that when we crucify the flesh, we will bear much fruits. God was telling me the answer. Crucify my flesh, start doing things for Him even if it means stepping into the uncomfortable zone! If I am willing to do so, I will see much fruits.
Then came the evening service at FCCPH, pastor shared about "Aligning Our Motivations." It's funny how it all come together with the morning sermon. First it was getting out from my comfort zone, and now it was about my motivation. He made a statement; "Quit worrying about everyone else and just follow Jesus - our focus and motivation."
I has been hard for me to practice certain things as a leader and maybe that's why I was never a very good one. But now, God is challenging me through this weekend to step out and do all those 'uncomfortable' things for His name sake. It was a humbling experience and also a learning curve for me. Guess I needed it. He really has His way of teaching His servant.
Now the challenge is this...Would I be able to carry out what I just learnt this week? The spirit is willing but the body is not...Oh Lord, help me to do what I need to do...
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